I’ve been writing code since I was just 7 years old. Scribbling down “lotto calculators” in Turbo Pascal (my parents were getting tickets every single day, hoping to win and change their lives), simple websites in pure HTML and later on in PHP.
Time goes on and on and eventually I keep learning more – by the time I was 13 I was cooperating with a friend I met online on a game and eventually got an agreement with Valve to publish on Steam. I was passionate and determined to finished, but at 16 my friend sought to pursue other things – he was desperately searching for a girlfriend at all costs and he let other things slip. I had one already.
When I was 17 I started working for a local antivirus company – they had me do their corporate website in PHP, and that was the start of my career. Later the president of said antivirus company and me had opened our own and everything was going well for a year. His girlfriend became very active in company policies and I become just another employee, another pawn – expendable. The fact we tried to build something together didn’t matter anymore – 8 hours, 3500 PLN and shut the fuck up.
I moved on to a Japanese company with which I was working remotely… Mind you I did indeed visit them twice in Japan. Despite the fact they paid well I was still stuck with doing the same damn thing – realizing someone else’s ideas in code. I started working with another company in Germany and there I thought I could finally realize some of my own ideas, considering the fact I got the title of “Director of 3D Tools” – but that didn’t really happen. Again, to the CEO I was just another expandable pawn in the game – an employee.
Eventually I burnt out. I stopped writing code for myself, I stopped doing my own projects and I stopped evolving. For some odd reason coding has become nothing else than a way to pay the bills. It stopped being fun.
I used to spontaneously get an idea for something and sit down to code it through the night – that no longer happens. It got tedious.
I got burnt out to a point where I have something to do at work that is extremely simple – but I don’t feel like doing it because I feel like it’s tedious. I mean you have to create a new Android activity, do a layout, hook up menus – it’s too tedious.
When this happens – all hell breaks loose. You need a break, but nobody will give you one. You’ve been slacking for too long… And so the circle closes and goes into another loop and you’re fucked. How do I find joy in writing code again? Am I done? Am I to move on to business like I’ve been trying to do over the past 2 years but everyone held me firmly down to the coding ground?